The Intern

What to do with the intern? This causes me great consternation. I feel bad. I mean, it's not like I think he can't do anything. It's just that I don't have anything for him to do. Naw mean? I've been in plenty of situations in the past where I'm bored and nobody has any work for me to do. And I'm not just talking about internships or crappy work-study jobs. Although some of those were legendary for their tiny amount of work assigned. I'll get into that later. Everyone has had those jobs where they barely have anything to do, and their bosses seem to be fine with it. It's a rite of passage. Sort of like a Bar Mitzvah, but less work and less of a party. And no rabbi, unless you're interning in a rabbinical school or something like that.

So maybe I shouldn't feel so bad about not giving him non-stop useful work? As Freud said, "The measure of man is his capacity to work and to love." Well, I sure hope this intern already knows how to love. Because he won't be learning how to work this summer. And teaching him how to love could open a swarming angry hive of Human Resources-related issues. So let's not go there.

If you have any ideas for what my intern could do for me, please let me know. I'm not allowed to ask him to wash my car, clean my apartment, take my girlfriend to dinner and a movie, wear a sundress to work, or get me coffee. If those were your ideas, please try to think of something else. Otherwise, I may have him staple blank sheets of paper together, remove the staples, staple the sheets again, remove the second set of staples and shred the paper. That's what I call summer intern edification.