Poll Results #2 (8/28/07) - Oprah Rules Supreme

Here are the results of my second poll (unless any others happen to vote within the next 12 minutes):

If you had to participate in a winner lives/loser dies competition, which of the following would you choose?

• Invent-off vs. Thomas Edison - 2
• Cheez Whiz Cookoff vs. Rachael Ray - 3
• Animal Rights Debate vs. Mike Vick - 2
• Foot Race vs. Oprah - 6

Oprah in a landslide. Of course, our sample size of 13 measly respondents, does not a definitive study make. However, I feel the need to point out that Oprah has been slim for some time now, so she may be more fleet of foot than you think. Remember, you agreed to readily accept death if you lose this competition. And keep in mind that your clicking on the radio button next to your selection is a legally binding action. Just like signing a will. Perhaps you'd like to reconsider your choice?

Oprah: thin and fast. You: dead. Care to change your answer?

Anyway, all threats aside, you do not need to rescind your decision. If you truly, madly believe you could beat Oprah in a foot race, then so be it. I'm more worried about the two vainglorious fools who believe they could beat Edison in an invent-off. Well, come to think of it, Edison died almost 76 years ago. So maybe that's the smartest choice. Yeah, a contest against a dead guy. Although in his heyday, or even when he was alive at all, he'd probably kick your butts at inventing stuff. Edison could have invented circles around you. Who the hell do you think you are? A young Ron Popeil?

Ron boasts: "I invented this thing right here. Also, Edison was a pussy-ass inventor poseur."

Keep an eye out for my next poll, which will be appearing shortly on the right-hand side of the page.