Raising Your Own Millk and Meat

We will milk you for a while, and then eat you.

Have you always dreamed of raising mythical mini-cows in your own backyard, or living room, for fresh meat and milk?

Of course you have.

Well, it doesn’t have to be dream. And these animals are real.

I had never heard of the Dexter breed of cattle, until Jaimi sent me this article.

I’m not entirely sure why she sent me the link – we have a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. But the living room may be just large enough so that we could cordon off an area and raise tiny cows – somewhere near the A/C unit so the cows would be comfortable year-round.

The last thing I need is PETA protesting outside my window.

As the article explains, with skyrocketing food prices, the always frugal and industrious Brits are turning to home-farming. All you need is an extra acre or two of grass in your backyard. Or at least a decent-sized patch of blacktop. Just remember that although these Dexter cattle are relatively small, they still consume about 12 pounds of hay or grass a day, and can weigh up to 1,000 pounds when fully grown.

Excuse me sir, do you realize that you're milking the dog?

They also produce 2 gallons of milk per day - and when you get bored of the little cow, you can slaughter it for hamburgers.

It’s a win-win: You win when the cow’s alive, and you win when the cow is dead.

You'll also win if you enter your Dexter in a "Hilariously Small Cow Competition" at your local state fair.

Not to mention, the small size and friendly temperament of this breed makes them a cinch to care for. Your child can do the milking, and your bichon frise can finally be the cattle herding work dog that it’s always wanted to be.

Watch me scare the shit out of these tiny-ass cows.

So hop onto eBay, or surf Craigslist for a good deal on tiny cows.

That lifelong dream is closer than you think.

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