Part Mill, Part Amazing

My sister-in-law gave birth this past weekend to a fine, pristeen young boy named Cole - Cole Gabriel Rathmill.

Little Cole with his Big Daddy.

I’m sure this blog post will be but one of many Google entries that Cole will have during his lifetime. He already has a Facebook page. What’s next, JDate?

This photo serves as an allegory for how small we humans really are, in the grand scheme of the universe. Babies can teach us many things, and I plan to learn a lot from Cole as he grows up - not vice versa.

Being that Cole makes me an uncle for the first time, I need to figure out how to become the coolest, funniest, most toy-giving, and all-around best-loved uncle of them all.

Now, I don’t want to come on too strong and scare him off. So a truckload of toys delivered to his crib probably wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture – he’s only 5 days old., and he doesn’t do much playing yet anyway.

I figure I’ll start out by giving him some valuable keepsakes that he may not be able to use right now, but in a few years will remind him of his big, generous Uncle Mill.

For example: a sterling silver cigarette lighter with his name emblazoned on the case.

Or maybe a tiny set of brass knuckles.

How about a fine bottle of scotch that needs to be aged another five or six years before it’s ready to drink?

Anyway, even though I want so very badly to stand out amongst the other aunts and uncles, I may just stick with the standard stuffed animals and tiny sports outfits. This is all very new to me, after all.

If gifts aren’t enough, I believe another way to win his affection will be to call him by some very cool and awesome nicknames – names that are just too damn clever for his parents or other relatives to conjure. I think the name “Cole” lends itself particularly well to this plan of attack.

Try these on for size. Let me know what you think:

poll by twiigs.com

Subscribe to my sweet feed