The Wedding Registry - What to Choose?

Perhaps the most important aspect of planning a wedding is choosing the right registry – also known as “what gifts besides cash are you going to receive.”

Now, if it were up to me, I’d register at Chase, Wachovia, The U.S. Treasury, Best Buy, and Outback Steakhouse. Cash, cash, cash, big-screen TV’s, and steak. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate a lifetime of commitment to the woman you love.

But, I don’t really have the final say in any of this. And also, apparently we need flatware. Lots and lots of flatware. So we’re registered at Crate and Barrel, Bed, Bath and Beyond, Bloomingdale’s, and probably a couple of other places that sell flatware.

It seems likely that we’ll have 40 place settings once the wedding is over.

So what else – besides plenty of forks, knives, and spoons – is important to include on one’s wedding registry? I’m probably not the right person to ask, really. I’ve already made my opinion known in regards to cash-money, beef, and big-screens.

I also like puppies, cars, and fine Italian men’s suits.

Would any of that please my wife? The one who’s allergic to dogs? And hasn’t driven since she was 17? And is a woman, so never wears men’s suits?

No. I’m being selfish. This day is supposed to be about US. Not about ME. So we need to choose things that we can use together. Such as flatware. Or tandem bicycles.

Linens and towels are good. Kitchen appliances could benefit both of us. Cleaning supplies and a Roomba would be nice. Now I’m thinking as a husband, and not as a self-absorbed bachelor. Boy, am I proud of myself.

But still, all of these things can be purchased with CASH. I can’t help but come back to that again and again. Everything can be bought with cash, whether it’s something selfish or something that both of us can enjoy equally. CASH is the answer.

And consider the fact that most ladies no longer come with a dowry - a few head of cattle, several goats, maybe a few acres of decent farm land – cash can buy all of those things.

So the next time you go to a wedding, think about the happy couple – and what would make them happiest. I’ll give you a hint – it’s greenish, papery, smells a little like old gym clothes, and has pictures of dead white guys on it.

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