The Definition of Freedom - A Blanket With Sleeves.

The Slanket. Keep warm and leave your hands free to read a book, operate the remote, battle ninjas, etc.

As we celebrate the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. it seems obvious to reflect upon his legacy – a legacy of freedom and equality for all men and women, regardless of skin color, economic status, or ability to talk on the phone and operate the TV remote while draped in a blanket.

That’s why, as we honor the memory of Dr. King, and the dreams of freedom and equality that he so eloquently espoused during his tragically short life, we also must look forward, to the future of freedom in this great nation of ours.

Enter The Slanket – a wearable blanket that endows its wearer with the ability to do pretty much anything one would be able to do while wearing a bulky sweater – but at the same time, covers the body in super-soft, luxurious, 100% polyester fleece.

Finally, and at long last, our prayers have been answered. It’s a blanket with sleeves.

Let freedom ring.

Slanket is short for “Shockingly awesome freedom blanket,” or “Supremely soft and wearable blanket,” or “Snuggly soft fully-sleeved blanket.” I think.

Made in China, and sold here in the USA by Slanket Loungin LLC, The Slanket is one of those things that makes think “Why the hell didn’t I think of that first?” It just makes sense, goddamit.

Jaimi got one of these from my Mom for Hanukkah this year, and seems to be rather pleased with the gift. The massive, one-size-fits-all Slanket covers here completely, in a sea of supple coziness – it’s like sliding into a big bathtub full of warm chicken fat.

Speaking of which, if you do happen to splatter The Slanket with chicken fat, it’s machine washable. And in fact, it’s in the dryer right now. So we’ll see how it holds up. I half expect The Slanket to melt and stick to the inside of the dryer.

My one complaint about The Slanket – assuming it doesn’t melt and turn crusty in the dryer – is that it’s difficult to grab things when your hands are in The Slanket’s sleeves. Call it a bug. Call it an engineering oversight. In any case, this is why it’s in the wash right now.

You see, Jaimi was simply trying to get a carton of eggs out of the fridge, to fry ‘em all up for breakfast this morning. From eyewitness reports, her Slanket ensconced hands attempted to grip the egg carton - only to have the carton slip from her grasp, sending the eggs on a one way journey to the floor.

Splat.

And so, considering how huge The Slanket is, the part of it that drags along the floor when she walks was covered in raw egg. Unpleasant, yes. But being that The Slanket is 100% machine washable, we should be back in business before the evening’s through.

If you own the Slanket, or one of its counterfeit competitors – The Snuggie – please let me know what you think. I’d say we’re rather happy to have The Slanket join us in our humble home. But will it last? Is it tough enough to withstand hours and hours of snuggling? Will it continue to provide warmth and comfort for years to come? Or will we need to replace The Slanket every few weeks?

Only time will tell.

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