Brewed and Bottled, Cooled and Consumed

My homebrew is ready. It’s official. And although several of you came up with some damn fine names for my first real homemade beer (one of many, to be sure) I don’t know if this first batch is really deserving of any of the imaginative and thought-provoking names that you presented to me in your comments. Some of my favorites included "Hydrocorti-beer," "Von Hayes Dazed Ale," and "Beerded Lady." Those will definitely be used in the future.

Let’s just call this one “The Mill’s Made-From-a-Kit Homebrewed Reddish Ale-like Beverage.”

It’s not bad. And it certainly tastes like beer. Additionally, after drinking one, I suffered no hallucinations, stomach cramps, nosebleeds, or cancerous lesions. So whatever I brewed, it looks and tastes like beer, and isn’t toxic to humans. I think there may even be some alcohol in there.

These are all positives. And for a first attempt, I’m pretty proud of myself. But I do have a couple complaints. Of course, I have no one to blame but myself. One thing’s for sure – any complaints about my beer will result in myself offering me a free beer.

Anyway, the beer is a little too carbonated – maybe the bubbles are too big or something? It’s just a bit too fizzy, like seltzer. Second, there’s a slightly perceptible alkaline aftertaste. It’s like licking an almost dead 9-volt battery – but just with the tip of your tongue. Very mild, but I’ve noticed it in two bottles that I’ve sampled.

Could it be from the local water supply? The steel kettle? Not enough love added to the brew? Who knows. As long as it’s not too noticeable, and not too poisonous – whatever the hell it’s coming from.

My next brew is going to be an India Pale Ale - loaded with hops and more hops and extra hops on top of that. The hops bitterness should mask any off flavors of batteries benzene, or whatever else might happen to fall into the fermenter before bottling.

In any case, I’m excited to continue developing my brewing knowledge and techniques. At worst, I brew mediocre beer that’s still costs me half the price of any store-bought brands. At best, I make some very tasty brews to share with friends and family – making me a beer hero to them all.

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