BeerLab

Much like NASA’s Skylab paved the way for the Space Shuttle, and man’s inevitable mission to Mars, so too does my foray into the magical – and experimental – world of beer-making pave the way for fantastic beer-related journeys to the edges of the known brewing solar system.

Or something like that.

Yesterday, for the first time, I decided to brew a beer not from a specific recipe. It’s an amalgamation of various internet sources, my own wild imagination, and a fledgling knowledge of the most basic brewing techniques.

I’ll be lucky if it tastes as good as monkey piss – or some similar highly ammoniated yellow liquid. Of course, no matter what, it will be more refreshing than monkey piss – being that it’ll be served ice cold, rather than at or around monkey body temperature.

Anyway, I ordered a few pounds of various specialty grains (chocolate malt, oat malt, something else that looks like oat malt but I forget what it is) added some high-quality cocoa, some standard barley malt extract – and boiled it all together in a big ol’ pot with some hops and a whole lotta love. I’m going to add a bit of cranberry extract at bottling time – if this batch makes it that far – to create something truly of The Mill, by The Mill, and for The Mill.

The Mill’s Cranberry Oatmeal Chocolate Nasty and/or Tasty Stout.

Truly, I may have to drink all 50 bottles of the stuff myself.

I don’t really know if the proportions are correct. I’m not sure how strong it might end up being, or how long it will take to ferment. All I know is that the little yeasties are currently gorging themselves upon all the sugars I boiled up, producing a nice stream of bubbles out of the fermenter’s airlock.

It will be about a month before this stuff can even be considered ready for consumption. I think it will be either bitter as all get out – from adding WAY too much unsweetened cocoa – or not taste too terribly awful. There’s a 0.5% chance that it will actually be pretty good.

As I’ve always said, I’ll try anything once. And in that same spirit, my BeerLab is now officially open for business. What should I brew next?

Snickers Fruity Pebbles Porter?

Mutton Mint Chocolate Stout?

Cilantro Pumpkin Pie East River Water Ale?

I think each of those could really dazzle the taste buds. Look for it being drunk out of a jam jar, at a street corner near you.

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