Ardipithecus Ramidus – Really, Really Old Bones, or Another Hoax?

So these scientist guys found a bunch of old bones in Ethiopia. (It was reported in the New York Times, so it must be pretty important.) And these guys claim that these bones are way, way older than the previously discovered bones from some crazy ape lady named Lucy. I’m still not sure how they knew her name was Lucy. It’s not intuitive that Lucy would have been such a popular name 3.2 million years ago. I’d imagine names that sounded a lot more like grunts, chirps, barks, or growls would have been commonplace. Like, for instance, Barbara, or Geraldo.

In any case, these new super-old bones are supposedly about 4.4 million years old. That would make them younger than the dinosaurs, but older than the automobile. So what in the hell did these ape-like people drive and/or ride to work?

And that’s just an example of where I have a big problem with this so-called “scientific discovery.” Things just don’t add up. Sure, I think evolution is pretty sweet. We were amoeba, then we were fish, then dogs, then people. I totally get it. Survival of the fittest, and all that. God got things rolling, then took a breather right before the first platypus was born, or hatched, or whatever. And then took another break just before the 4th Die Hard film was produced. That one sucked compared to the first three.

But you show me a pile of dirty, smashed-up, old-as-balls bones and tell me it’s the skeleton of our oldest known ancestor, and I’m just supposed to accept it? You become a superstar of paleoanthropology by digging up a bunch of brittle bones, and expect me to sit idly by while you collect your endless riches through paleological endorsement deals AND anthropological record contracts?

Well, I may not know the name of whoever made the discovery of these really old bones, but if I ever learn your name or names, I’m going to…well. I’ll probably ask you where I can go dig up some really old bones and become a superstar of paleoanthropology.

Okay fine. The truth is…I’m jealous. The oldest thing I’ve ever found was a penny from 1909. I received no accolades for that discovery.

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