Jayson Werth's Big Ol' Beard

Jayson’s beard has a life of its own.
It covers his cheeks, his chin, and jawbone.
He usually shaves to keep the team winning.
But his beard has grown back before the 5th inning.

His coaches get mad when his beard stays out late.
Whether drinking, or dancing, or out on a date.
But Jayson himself has such little control,
Over what his beard does - it has its own soul.

You’d think that its name might be Nathan or Nick.
Or Oscar, or Reggie, or Wallace, or Rick.
Or even Miguel, or Dylan, or Bruce.
Well actually, no, its friends call it Zeus.

Zeus was a god - the god of them all.
Upon Mt. Olympus, a great marble hall.
Pillars of granite, and floors solid stone.
A lap pool, a hot tub, and of course a huge throne.

The mighty of mighties, the all-seeing eyes.
Huge big-ass arms, well-muscled thighs.
Lightning from Heaven and flames from below.
A mortal’s life lost with each thunderbolt throw.

His thick thatch of growth, like stone to a mason.
Mysteries told, fitful children are chastened.
We all know to fear the unknown as from birth.
The beard or the man - Is Zeus Jayson Werth?

He’s big and he’s strong and throws bolts from the field.
His prodigious blasts, as if tree trunks he wields.
And back to the beard, whether mortal or not.
When it’s 102 on the field, that shit must get hot.

Go Phillies!

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